VOL. I · NO. 1

EXTRA EXTRA

TODAY'S EDITION
PRICE: $25

Office & family occasions, made front-page news

Turn their retirement, birthday, or roast into tomorrow's front page

Headline Bureau writes a full satirical newspaper front page around your own inside jokes and hands you a print-ready PDF within minutes, as soon as early access opens. No design skills needed: download it and print it yourself, anywhere.

By THE HEADLINE BUREAU STAFF

Built for the office manager organizing a send-off, the sibling planning a milestone birthday, or anyone putting together a roast who wants something that actually sounds like the person it's about, not a template with a name swapped in.

You send the occasion, the name, and a handful of inside jokes. We write the headline, the feature, the fake stock ticker, and the classifieds around them, and hand back a digital, print-ready file, no print shop or days-long turnaround required.

Try it: set tomorrow's front page. Pick an occasion, add a name and a joke or two only your office would get, and watch the actual generator do its work below. Nothing here leaves your browser.

RETIREMENT EDITION

DENISE OKAFOR'S RETIREMENT CONFIRMED: NO MORE “microwaving fish in the break room every Friday for a decade”, EFFECTIVE FRIDAY

The retirement party will feature cake, tears, and one final round of “microwaving fish in the break room every Friday for a decade”.

By THE HEADLINE BUREAU STAFF

In a ceremony expected to include exactly one embarrassing slideshow, Denise Okafor will be honored for a career defined by “microwaving fish in the break room every Friday for a decade” and, more recently, “the great stapler heist of 2019”. Colleagues describe the mood in the office as cautiously festive.

BREAK ROOM COFFEE CONSUMPTION EXPECTED TO DIP FOLLOWING DENISE OKAFOR'S DEPARTURE
FOR SALE: one desk, recently vacated by Denise Okafor, faint trace of “microwaving fish in the break room every Friday for a decade”. Best offer.

Like what you see? Join early access to get your own, the moment it opens.

Wire dispatch

DISPATCH: You send the occasion, the name, and a few inside jokes. No design skills needed.DISPATCH: Every edition is a print-ready PDF, downloaded in minutes. Yours to print anywhere.DISPATCH: The $45 special edition adds a fake interview, a horoscope, and the full classifieds page.DISPATCH: Every headline is written fresh around your jokes, never a template with a name swapped in.DISPATCH: Planned pricing only: free early access, no card, no sales call.

WANTED

Your best office-villain origin story, or your most cringeworthy work anecdote. We turn it into copy that actually lands.

NOTICE

Headline Bureau is a digital product. Every edition is a print-ready PDF you download and print yourself. We never mail or print anything.

FOR SALE

One (1) awkward retirement speech, rendered unnecessary. The front page says it for you.

Rate card

Planned pricing. Free early access, no card, no sales call.

Front Page

$25

  • One satirical front page, headline to classifieds
  • Built around up to 5 of your inside jokes
  • Delivered as a print-ready PDF

Special Edition

$45

  • Everything in Front Page
  • Plus a fake interview
  • Plus a horoscope
  • Plus a full classifieds page

Both will be one-time, digital deliveries when early access opens. Nothing is printed or shipped by us.

Subscribe to today's edition

Join early access and we'll email you the moment Headline Bureau opens for real front pages. No spam, no card, no sales call.